There are a lot of evergreen meditation tips. There are techniques and tricks you can learn along the way. But I’ve found that one lesson stands above the rest. After meditating for more than two decades, I’ve come to call it the Golden Rule of meditation.
The Golden Rule is simple. In essence, it tells us to never make a problem during meditation.
And the reason I wanted to share this with you is because it’s a cornerstone of any thriving meditation practice.
So, why is this so important? There are a lot of reasons. In this episode we touch on just a few of them. My primary goal is to impress upon you the simple fact that if you take the Golden Rule to heart, it will save you trouble, reduce inner friction, and spare you from getting stuck in some perennial meditation pitfalls.
In essence, the Golden Rule is about hewing to an inner posture where nothing is ever a problem during meditation. No matter what happens or doesn’t happen, it’s not a problem.
Three Scenarios Where You Can Apply The Golden Rule
It’s simple, but it’s hard. Often you can break this rule, and not even know it. Here are a few examples where it can be especially challenging but helpful to practice the Golden Rule.
1. Side-Stepping Stress
Scenario one, you sit down to meditate when you’re really stressed out. You’ve got things going on at work, at home, or in your relationship and you’re stressed. So you’re sitting down in meditation to let go of that stress, calm your nerves, relax your body, and rest your mind.
But as you sit there meditating, you’re all over the place. Your mind is link a ping pong ball going back and forth on this problem and that issue and on it goes in an endless loop…
In the end, you feel like you never really settle down, you never really relax, and you don’t feel much relief or release from your mind and your stress.
This is exactly when the Golden Rule is so important.
In a moment like that, if you can be cool with all of it and not make a problem or feel like a failure then that’s a victory.
2. Short Circuiting Self-Criticism
Here’s another scenario. We all have that hyper-critical voice in our head that’s just waiting for the opportunity to confirm our suspicions that we have failed in today’s meditation session.
This is moment to invoke the Golden Rule. When you do, that the hyper critical voice doesn’t stand a chance. Why? Because you aren’t making a problem out of anything, that self-critical voice has no traction. It lives and thrives on problems.
However, during your meditation you’re asserting that there aren’t any problems. In the process, you short circuit an entire mechanism in your mind that leads many people to give up or feel guilty or feel stressed out.
3. Practicing The Golden Rule Means Letting Go
And here’s another part of the golden rule. It’s a sneaky strategy for letting go. If you can let there be no problem at all, you end up letting go of a lot of the things that undermine your practice. Here are some of the pesky question that tend to send us down the rabbit whole:
- Am I doing this right?
- Am i making progress?
- Am i having the right experience?
- Am i having the wrong experience?
- Oh god I haven’t meditated in days i’m out of practice…
- I don’t think I meditated long enough…
- Am I getting any results from this all?
While meditating, you want to let all that go, because it focuses your attention on problems. When you follow the Golden Rule, you sidestep that business altogether.
So that’s a brief lesson on the Golden Rule. I encourage you to make it a cornerstone of your practice. Before you know it, you’ll marvel as you cut through thorny issues that were holding you back.
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Thank you so much for sharing this! So much to learn… 🙂
Hi Bruno, You’re welcome! Good to meet you.
I have been dancing around meditation for a few years but I tend to jump around to try and find the perfect time meditation. I am in education and have a lot on my mind. Also I am trying to be the best me I possibly can everyday. When I mediate I lean back in bed. Is this a good position or how important is posture when we meditate? When I meditate I try to vision how I want my day to go and what I want in my life. Is this a good practice?
Thank you in advance for your help.
Scott
Hi Scott,
Thanks so much for your comment. These are great questions.
1. Re posture: In general, it’s good to keep your spine straight when you meditate. The main reason for this is that keeping your spine straight is the most conducive position for staying alert and not drifting into a drowsy state of awareness. Posture can have a very big effect on the quality of awareness and in general, with meditation, you want to stay relaxed, but awake and alert. The goal is to cultivate a fresh and bright quality of attention. Is that clear?
2. Re visualization: What you’re describing is visualization. It can be a meditative technique, but it isn’t necessarily meditation. The type of visualization you describe can be super effective. For example, Michael phelps and many other pro athletes use visualization as a core part of their training and credit it for some measure of their success. The kind of visualization they do is similar to the kind of visualization your described in terms of how you want your day to go. So yes, I’d say it’s a great practice.
Finally, mostly the way we discuss meditation on this site is less about visualization and more about letting go and getting to know yourself in deeper and deeper ways so that you eventually encounter a limitless part of yourself.
I hope this helps.
Best, Morgan
Great show and really good advice,love the passion!
Brian
Thanks so much Brian. Really happy you enjoyed the show.
Hi Morgan,
I just found your podcast and I honestly feel so lucky and relieved to have something current about meditation which I can come to.
I had one question in particular I’m aware that this is something you touched on in this podcast and it is a problem that I came up with in meditation but it seems a little more fundamental to me and so I wanted to ask you.
I recently became aware while meditating that I can’t focus on two separate points simultaneously and therefore when I’m trying to focus on the rims of my nostrils my mind jumps from one nostril to the next and I’m debating with myself throughout the meditation whether to just feel the sensation on one nostril, try to have a general feel from both nostrils, whether I should focus on the tip of my nose with my attention and just feel the sensation…. okay it goes like this to infinitum. It feels like a very minor thing to be getting caught up on but I have a hard time letting this one go. Let me know what you think!
Hi Domenic,
Thanks so much for your kinds comment and question. Your question is a great one btw. Here’s what I would do. Like you said, you can’t really focus on more than one thing at a time and in meditation, we become very deliberate about harnessing our attention and consciously focusing it on one thing rather than letting it wander all over.
As this episode also refers to, it’s important to recognize that no matter how refined you become in your practice, your mind is still going to wander and that’s fine and to be expected. Instead of fretting about it, the goal is to be at ease with it and not let it perturb your deeper focus and intention.
So I think this all applies to the nostrils as well. I think there are a few things to consider. First, if it’s easier for you to focus on one nostril at a time, then that’s fine. I would just do that knowing that your attention is going to flicker to the other one etc. Try to be accepting of that and just bring your attention back to the one nostril.
Once you’ve got some momentum (that might take weeks or longer), maybe try and let your focus expand to include “a general feel from both nostrils.” If you can be easy, relaxed, and focused while doing that for some time, then you can let the focus of your meditation expand again to include all the sensations around your nostrils and the tip of the nose.
But in general, try to start as local as possible and once you get comfortable with one point of focus, then open up the circumference of your focus to include more. And on and on. So I would urge you to experiment with that but also to not get too wrapped up in the details since that can become a big distraction, which our minds love.
Does this make sense to you? Best of luck and thanks again for your question.
Hi Morgan,
Yea that is exactly the kind of advice I was looking for. Sometimes it’s difficult because all of the meditation I’ve done has been self taught, through books or tutorials and what not so at times it can be maddening when you would like something clarified. This was exactly what I needed!
Thanks a ton Morgan!
I am so happy to have found this blog. Your confidence and drive to educate readers to love and embrace themselves is inspiring.
Meditation Tips
Thanks Eva 🙂
It’s much easier in theory to to practice the golden rule but it’s not impossible. It’s also the key to successful meditation. Thanks so much for sharing.
Hi Drew,
I think you’re right. It’s a tall order and a lofty goal but the existential payoff and benefits are well worth it in my experience. Real letting go includes letting go of any sense that there is or ever could be a problem.