Mindful Sex: Transforming Intimate Relationships Through Meditation

As a practice, meditation can open up a whole realm of possibility. We derive many different benefits from cultivating greater mindfulness in our daily lives.

Don’t worry; this is not going to be another article touting the many benefits of meditation. This article is going to explore how meditation and mindfulness can transform our relationship to our sexuality and the way we intimately relate.

Mindful sexuality and intimacy are still topics vastly unexplored in the mainstream. We exist in a society and culture that has a significant pleasure deficit.

By pleasure deficit, I mean that we have an incredible deficiency in pleasure and an overabundance of stress and suffering.

The collective trance that we’ve all bought into champions being constantly-on-the-go and participating in the endless rat-race.

Between our innumerable to-do lists, familial, and occupational duties, we reserve very little time to enjoy the things that give us the most pleasure and make us feel the most alive.

I am assuming you are reading this article today because you are searching for a way to maximize pleasure in your life. Whether you’d like to have a better sex life or cultivate a more profound connection with yourself or intimate partner, these concepts that we are going to discuss can help you reach your goals.

First off, to reiterate, meditation brings us into direct contact with our present moment reality. Our senses become heightened.

We are more aware of our emotions and physical sensations. There is greater space in which to observe our thoughts. The act of being mindful helps us to become more physically present in our bodies.

Naturally, as we cultivate a meditation practice our ability to stay present in all areas of our lives grows exponentially.

When we begin to utilize meditation concepts like presence, relaxation, listening, and letting go, in our sexual and intimate relationships, it’s a complete game changer.

Presence:

Just like in meditation, we can begin to practice becoming more present within the realm of our sex lives and intimate relationships.

When we start to apply presence practice to sexual intimacy, we are cultivating our ability to become more aware of our own physical sensations, bodies signals, and cues.

The more present, embodied, and connected we are, the greater our ability to tap into the  body’s innate sensitivity. This allows us to be more aware of our own feelings and desires and those of our partner’s.

Relaxation/Slowing down:

There’s a reason that there is so much hype about foreplay. I promise it’s not an urban myth.

In meditation, we give ourselves the opportunity to stop, slow down, and take an out-breath. We might notice that our breath naturally deepens and becomes more expansive.

Any tension or pain we might be carrying in our bodies starts to soften. Physiologically, our nervous system is shifting from an activated state to a more restful and restorative state.

When we relax and slow down during sexual intimacy, we are creating a greater degree of safety and building the foundation for a deeper connection.

The more that we allow ourselves to slow down, the more we increase our capacity to tune into what feels good and pleasurable. Slowing down actually increases the intensity of our sensations.

We are not only able to feel more pleasure, but we are also able to more easily discern what doesn’t feel good or what isn’t working. When we slow down with each other, we naturally create space for increased communication and collaboration on all levels.

Listening:

Once we’ve developed our ability to be present, relax, and slow down, a deeper level of listening becomes available to us.

One of the many benefits of meditation is that it augments our connection to the more subtle realms of energy beyond the physical. I’m sure that we’ve all wished that our intimate partner could anticipate exactly what we desired without us having to communicate it.

Sometimes, communicating our sexual desires, likes, and dislikes can feel like the most uncomfortable part of the exchange. I have good news for you.

When we have a strong foundation of being anchored into our present moment experience from an embodied place, and we’ve learned to consciously relax and slow down, we have the opportunity to more easily connect and experience these subtle realms of energy.

From a space of deep self-connection and presence, we are very much in-tune with our own pleasure and desires, and those of our partners. We are no longer trying to determine or blindly guess at what would feel the most satisfying.

We are able to utilize our body as a finely honed, intuitive compass, and easily read the subtle shifts in our partners energy and body. This supports a mutual deepening in connection, synergy, love, and flow.

Letting Go/Surrender

In meditation, our ability to let go and surrender often dictates the degree to which we find our practice satisfying. Most meditation traditions are advocates of letting go of the attachment to any outcome, even satisfaction.

The gift of this practice of letting go is that it enhances our ability to welcome all that is arising in our experience.

When we attach to an outcome of how we want our practice or experience to be, we are contracting against the expansion, connection, love, pleasure, and freedom that is our natural state and birthrate.

Similarly, when we are fixated on a specific outcome and goal in terms of our sexual intimacy we limit what’s possible.

When we have the courage to surrender, let go, and follow our natural instincts and intuition we are able to transcend the physical limitations of the mind and dissolve into a deeper union.

As we practice the art of letting go and opening, we might reach a point in our practice that we realize that it is not our partner that we are surrendering to, but the pure awareness and consciousness reflected in the eyes of our lover.

By cultivating greater mindfulness and presence in our sexual and intimate relationships we can effectively transform the habits, beliefs, and patterns that perpetuate disconnection and dissatisfaction from the bedroom to the workplace.

When we make the choice to consciously awaken from the autopilot of our lives it not only amplifies our own self-connection, but strengthens our capacity to connect with the people we love most.

Interested in learning more about awakened sexuality and conscious partnership? Check out Intimate Communion by acclaimed Spiritual Sexuality teacher, David Deida.